Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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