He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
