I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
