is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You took a bar mat shot.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
