Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize