I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
