One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
