no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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