i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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