before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
