I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
