please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
