Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
