Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
