make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
