i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
