everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
