i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
