Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
