apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
