I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
