They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
