I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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