In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
