I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
