I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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