So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
