We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
