My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
