I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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