when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
