I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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