so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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