im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
