I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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