This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
third nipple confirmed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
