had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I AM VODKA MAN
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
