yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize