dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
