Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize