Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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