I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
