Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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