I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
