Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
