Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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