I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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