it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
