Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
