and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize