Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the condom got lost in my hair
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
