just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
