I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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