5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
