He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i barfeds in our rink
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
