last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
