never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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