I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
