Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
