Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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