it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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