You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
