1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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