At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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