I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
