do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
