When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
