I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sext me about skeletons
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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