The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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