I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
