there's paper in my vomit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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