The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i've created a new STD.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
