your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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