I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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