I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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