She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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