Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
