she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So squirting runs in the family.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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