Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
