Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
