AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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