So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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